An Anniversary Interview with a Spouse
On our wedding day in Los Colinas, TX - September 25, 1999
I learned from the dating experiences I had before meeting my husband. If you read my blog post From Abuse to Love, you’ll read about (or listen to) some of the craziness I went through in relationships before I met my husband. Those were some tough lessons that led me to him.
I’m not going to lie and say that every moment in our marriage has been all rainbows and unicorns, BUT I will say that at least 95% of our life together has been.
Brian C. Roberts - Damn He’s Good
He’s a true gem of a dude. He makes me laugh daily. If I tease him or throw a pillow at him, he will wait to get revenge in the silliest and cutest of ways sometimes by putting socks in my purse that I won’t find until I get to work. Sometimes he will wait a whole day to get revenge and will leave a note with the socks as to why he did it. He loves his family and the way he treats his mother with a love that only a son can and the respect he has for his sister is admirable.
In honor of our 22nd wedding anniversary, I thought I’d interview the hubby to dig a little deeper into his thoughts. One would think that by now, I know all that there is to know about this man that I’ve now spent almost half of my entire life with. But there was a shocking response to one of the questions that had me staring at him wide-eyed and mouth wide open.
Because I wanted this interview to be authentic, I did very little editing on these responses so they are fragmented as it was in our conversation. Here goes…a little insight on Brian C. Roberts and his thoughts on why he married me among other things:
Q: What attracted you to me?
Brian: You were funny with a nice personality. And nice legs. Easy to talk to.
Q: How did you come up with our first date?
Brian: Didn’t put a lot of thought into it. It was close and convenient for both of us.
(We went to a restaurant in Los Angeles called La Louisianne. There was live music and it kind of reminded me of a place you might go to in New Orleans)
Q: What did you think about me after our first date?
Brian: I thought you were easy to talk to. We had good communication. You smiled a lot and engaged in our conversation. Nice smile…even with braces.
(When I met Brian, I had chopped off all of my hair and had braces)
Q: After which date did you realize we would be a couple/date for a while.
Brian: Well, that’s the weirdest question ever because you moved in after 3 weeks.
(This is a true story. He let me stay at his place because my roommate kicked me out of her home. Even though I paid my share of the rent, she said to me, “You will not use my house as a pit stop. You need to move out in 2 weeks.” I was in the process of looking for a condo at the time and hadn’t found a place yet. I guess she didn’t like that I would come home early in the morning after staying at Brian’s place. I would get home in time to get ready for work, then go spend time with Brian after work and repeat the process. Brian offered his place for me to stay contrary to the story he likes to tell that I just took over and moved in).
Q: After I moved in, did you have regrets?
Brian: Honestly, I didn’t.
Q: Did you tell your parents about me before I moved in?
Brian: Yes, but they didn’t know you moved in until after you moved in. Dad was like, “oh well.” Mom was a little concerned. But they loved you in a short time.
Q: What did you think about my cooking?
Brian: It was okay. Nothing to brag about, but it was good.
(Me: okay…rude…lol)
Q: What did your friends think about me?
Brian: My friends thought you were a parasite. They still tease me about it.
Q: What was your favorite part about our wedding?
Brian: I liked that it was small and intimate and that our closest family and friends were there.
Q: What would you tell a single woman looking to be in a long-term relationship?
Brian: Don’t be insecure, give space/freedom, make him feel special, be spontaneous
Brian chillin’
Q: What’s your favorite thing about our marriage?
Brian: It’s easy. Not difficult. No stress really.
Q: If there’s anything different, you’d want me to do differently, what would it be?
Brian: Clean up more. Keep the house tidy. Be more compatible with home décor. (I should have included a pic of his side of the closet.)
Q: What’s your favorite color?
Brian: Sometimes it’s blue. Sometimes it’s black.
Me & Brian at football game watch party at a friend’s home
Q: How do you like my hair best?
Brian: I like it best in the style that it’s in now. Short and sassy.
Q: What outfits do you like to see me in?
Brian: I like when you wear clothes that accentuate your legs. Those tight white jeans are my favorite.
Q: Did you think about getting married before we met?
Brian: No. Didn’t even think about it when you moved in either.
Q: At what point did you decide you wanted to marry me?
Brian: Well, you were already there, so I felt stuck and ambushed. Well, I guess I can marry her. There’s no reason NOT to marry her. There were no red flags. It was just easy and I was happy. It was like the Staples EASY button. (OMG!! This is the response that shocked me! He said he was ambushed kind of jokingly, but he also didn’t say he was kidding. LOL. Here I was thinking he was going to say something romantic but he made it sound so nonchalant. I can’t even get mad. Brian is just chill like that.)
Side note: Neither of us could remember who initiated the ring conversation but he let me know that he never even had the thought of buying a ring for anyone else. This made me feel special and made up for the fact that he said he felt “ambushed.” hahaha
Q: What made you want to go to Mexico to get engaged?
Minutes after the proposal.
Brian: It was just a nice little getaway weekend. I’m not a planner which is why you got engaged in a Rock n’ Roll Taco in Tijuana. LOL
Q: Was there ever a time during our marriage that you thought was difficult.
Brian: Not particularly.
Q: Thoughts when I told you I was pregnant with child #1?
Brian: Excited. There’s going to be a little baby.
Q: On the second?
Brian: Excited
Q: Third?
Brian: Concerned. Oh Lord, that’s too many kids.
Brian & Kiddos on Family Picture Day 2020
Q: What do you think about my mom?
Brian: She’s a great cook and I like that she’ll drink a beer and watch football. She’s a sweet lady.
Q: Were you nervous when you realized she was going to stay around for a while?
Brian: Yes, but it all worked out and it still is. So, it’s not a problem. It’s easy.
(My Mom has lived with us since 2003. Initially she came out to help with our first-born, but she got stuck because I was pregnant in 2003, 2005 and 2007. She just never went back to Texas and we are blessed for it. So happy she’s here.)
Q: What is the favorite thing I do for you?
Brian: When you give me nice massages.
Q: What do you do to show me you love me?
Brian: I cuddle. I tell you you’re beautiful. I give you flowers every now and then (I cracked up because it’s been a while).
Q: What do I do that makes you feel loved?
Brian: You say, “hello handsome” and you give me kisses when you see me.
Q: If we had a week alone together what would we do?
Brian: Take a nice romantic vacation. Rent scooters and drive around.
Q: What is my most annoying trait?
Brian: You talk loud in the movies. And on the phone sometimes.
Q: What do you value most in our marriage.
Brian: Our trust and friendship.
Q: How is our marriage like your parents?
Brian: It’s loving and fun.
Q: What excites you most about our future?
Brian: Spending more time together on vacation. Going to Europe.
By this last question, I was losing him. He told me you only have 2 more questions left to ask so I figured I’d stop there. LOL
I went through quite a few jacked up relationships before Brian.
The lessons weren’t lost on me though.
I am very fortunate to have met this guy. I can say that when we met and began spending time together, I finally “exhaled.” It occurred to me what the movie title, “Waiting to Exhale” meant. After so many years of hearing that “love is hard,” I realized that love really wasn’t if you're with the right person. I also knew that he would be a great partner to create some little humans with. I felt safe.
Here are a few things we do in our marriage that I believe keeps us solid:
We had been married for about five years when Brian was the best man at a wedding, and in his speech, he gave this piece of advice, “don’t fight over money.” I always remembered that. We don’t always agree on how money is spent sometimes, but it doesn’t come between our relationship.
We also made a vow that we never even said out loud and it was to never say the “D” word. We won’t give ourselves that option. And by “D” word” I mean divorce. (Get your mind out of the gutter)
We never direct profanity at each other.
We respect and support each other’s desire to hang with friends.
We look at taking care of the family as teamwork.
Are there disagreements and times when we want our space? Yes. But with honest and open communication, we work through it. Then we go back to pillow fights and socks in my purse when I least expect it.
We’ve been together 24 years and married for 22 and our adventure in this life together continues.
Happy Anniversary Honey Bunny!